Redneck Shaman

One of my favorite book series is the Clan of the Cave Bear series by Jean M. Auel. The main character, Ayla, has always spoken to me for some reason but not so much as she has for the last year. Basically, she is a Cro-magnon child adopted and raised by a Neanderthal family. She struggles with being different while growing up and finally she has to be true to her own nature. As a result, they curse her with death and cast her out on her own. As she went through the motions of trying to survive and unlearning childhood behaviors, she would say to herself, I'm already dead, so what difference does it make what rules I'm breaking now? I find myself thinking similar thoughts as I try to rebuild my own life, almost utterly alone.  Not quite though, because I have had friends I can count on who have been there for me.    I've learned that I am empathetic, forgiving, and genuinely kind. I'm flaky as shit sometimes and while I try to minimize it, I am still learning copi

Then there comes the day where you realize you have given your last fuck about a situation.  I wonder which one it was ..I might have said a proper goodbye to it. It fucks you up a little at first, I think. Like, you sit there, and you think I "should" give a fuck.  I used to give a fuck.  But, I honestly seriously cannot find one fuck to give anymore. You might even like..look around your chair or something to see if maybe you dropped it on the floor.  Nope.  Not there either. Then you think..holy shit, I'm truly free!  At peace, even. I get a little paranoid after that..I think, what if I'm just smoking really good weed right now, and I really do give a fuck? Nope. Not about that. I'm saving my fucks for important stuff.  It's a heady feeling to realize that you came out on the other side of a bad situation with your...self intact. I have spent the last year getting to know myself again.  Sounds dumb, but it's part of self-healing. I gave away b

50 Year Old Women        A friend of mine asked the other day who was “thirstier” lesbians or or men.  My response is women over the age of 50. Do you want to know why?  Because we know we can’t get pregnant.  For real. Men, if you dump your woman when she turns 50 for a younger model, you done fucked up, and I don’t mean financially, although, she’s happy to take your money too. Women after the age of 50 turn into sexual freaks!  That freak you think you want in the 20-year-old who doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing?  Seriously, why do men do that?  Is it fun to have to teach someone new how to please you?  Why do you think middle aged women suddenly take up yoga and other fitness activities?  So, they can have the stamina for more sex. You see, we spent all those years paying the price for the sex we had.  Either we had kids, or we stressed about not having kids or both. Do you know how much time women spend stressing about becoming pregnant?  We invest time an