Redneck Shaman

I was talking with a friend the other day.  She's a very smart, motivated and talented lady.  I admire her greatly. She mentioned something in particular that made me think.  She said she once took some time off from the world. We all need to do that.  In this fast-paced world, we have forgotten how to just be.  Words like self-care and other words are bandied about and it can get confusing. The concept is a simple one.  You can't take care of anything else unless you take care of yourself first.  You have to be able to feed yourself, make messes, clean up your own messes, learn what makes YOU thrive as a person. If you aren't thriving, if you aren't well-balanced, you cannot begin to nourish another and be any kind of real help to them. I think many of us get caught up in taking care of others before we learn how to take care of ourselves properly. There's a reason kids are supposed to go out in the world.  There's a reason they have ...

What the hell happens to men in New Orleans?  I swear to you some juju gets into them in that City. Maybe it isn't just men.  Do you realize what we do for some plastic beads? This gives me a lot of faith in humanity that we would show our chests and all kinds of other depraved things..for some 25 cent plastic beads.  And they probably are like penny plastic beads. Now, there's nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong.  But seriously the first time I went with my husband of 20+ years he changed into a different person. This fella, who has not cared for gew gaws the entire time we've been married, bent over and picked up some beads that were laying on the ground, covered in God only knows what, and presented them to me like they were made out of the rarest diamond. And they were broken, to boot. He held these things out and expected me to worship him for the God that he was.  And, you know what I did?  I took those nasty beads, twisted ...

I was relaxing with my husband the other day.  We were reclining on our bed enjoying postcoital relations. I was proud.  I had done a lot of work to make the bedroom an oasis of love. The air was permeated with the smell of Tahitian flowers, there was a splash of yellow on the bedspread to add brightness to the gray of winter. The bathroom and fixtures were gleaming with cleanliness. The sun was shining brightly through the window in a stronger than the usual weak sunlight of winter. We connected.  Well, I thought we had anyway. Maybe no so much.  I am very sensitive to his body language and when he started getting melancholy, I didn't understand. Then he said when it got warmer, he was going to help me take care of the cars and whatnot. I looked and saw what he saw and all I could think is "Darling, you are looking out of the wrong window."

I can't sleep and what I do when I can't sleep...is write. I am confused and broken and more than a little feral. Where did it start?  When did it start?  Am I righteous in my anger or just angry? Is anger my new default?  What about fear? Where did the capacity for compassion and love go? Was it stolen?  Am I truly crazy? At the end of the day, do I  like myself? I was woken up by a song playing in my head this morning.  I'm smart.  I know the answers to these questions, yet I can't prove it definitively. In this day and age if there isn't empirical evidence, then there is doubt.

Today is September 11th. All Americans over a certain age know exactly what we were doing 16 years ago at this time. Those that did this, whatever their name is  this week, hate us. They absolutely hate us and they have pledged to kill us to the point of killing themselves to kill us. What is puzzling to me is the actual degree of hatred they have for us. Think about it. The desire that is inborn to a human being to survive, a.k.a the survival instinct, is very strong. This hatred that they have for us is so deep and they believe in their cause so much that they are able to override an instinct that is hardwired into the brain. Let that register for a minute. I'll wait. I honestly do not know what could be done with a group of people that hate us that badly. My instinct for survival kicks in and I just want to turn it all into a parking lot and some really cool theme parks. I believe in my heart that our resolve has to be as much as or more than theirs. It's fight o...

This one is my soul cat.  She is supposed to belong to my son, but all parents know what happens to the animals when the kids move out.  What was theirs, is now yours.  If only it worked that way with their video games. I think this one has always owned me, though.  When I went to the shelter to check the cats out, there were a bunch of little kittens running around on the floor.  I couldn't get the attention of any of them. This one here was the only little baby in a cage.  And boy did she try and get my attention.  She mewed and mewed, stretched up in the cage and tried to get to me.  I stuck my finger in the cage, and she rubbed on me and was mewing up a storm.  It was love at first sight. I looked at the attendant and said, "I think she's picking me."  He had this grin on his face that I didn't quite understand.  It wasn't a grin of agreement, it was more like "you poor sucker". Little did I know what I was getting...

Aching arms, wet face, broken heart.